Backup career choices

1) life coach
2) master cheesemonger
3) celebrity manipulator

and now, the latest addition:

freestyle rapper.

One of A-Vo's favorite games is to request that I sing a song on whatever random topic she chooses. Sometimes, I can sing an actual song. Most of the time, I make it up on the fly.

"Mama, sing racecar!"
"Mama, sing animal crackers!"
"Mama, sing swimsuit!"

and on and on...

Effin' bats

I hate bats. I really hate bats. I used to think that I had no strong feelings either way about bats, but that was until tonight, when I discovered one flying around our living room. Goddamn sumbitch bats.

It was like 2 feet long. With fangs. Dripping venom. And beady red eyes.

I hate bats.

Glass houses

Lest you think that I never cast a critical eye upon myself, please refer to and vote in my latest poll.

O.M.G.

I'm kind of in a daze right now. I'm shell-shocked. I feel weird and unnatural. Something just isn't right.

I just watched High School Musical.

Yes, I fell victim to the hype. I had to witness with my own eyes the whirlwind of cheeseball Disney pop culture that is taking America by storm.

I am so drenched in Disney wholesomeness right now that I think if I drop any F-bombs in the next 24 hours that I might have a seizure.

I'm not even really sure if I liked it, or not.

Ok then...

This weekend, I was in Downtown Grrbear's Town, at a course for Docs Like Me. It's always fun to wander around the area, because it so refreshing to be in a place where most of the tourists look dorkier than you do. Ego boost much? Anyhow, it's amusing for me to see what shopping bags people are carrying around. See, if I was going to take the time, trouble, and $$$ to shop Down There as my vacation, I think I'd go to stores that I actually don't ever get to shop in. So you wouldn't find me carrying around bags from American Eagle and Abercrombie, which by my calculations can be found in ALMOST EVERY MALL IN AMERICA. People! Come on!

It's like eating at Applebee's when you go Europe. You just don't do it.

My first concert:

Cool A-Vo.

A-Vo's first concert was a Hootie and the Blowfish event that we attended last summer. It was free and was 2 blocks from where we were staying.

Not wanting to live in my glass house and throw stones....I think that is very cool.

BOO-ya!!

according to a study by the Surface Transportation Policy Partnership (STPP), a nonprofit research firm, which draws on 2003 Bureau of Labor Statistics data, I commute to one of America's top 5 costliest-commute cities.

Did I mention that I have 5 more days of work there? Ever?

BOO-ya!!

Train wreck....

T-Vo has already moved to Our New Town, so I'm home alone, left to my own devices (which usually means watching really, really bad TV. But not the Wiggles.). Today's barely-watchable but grossly compelling program was MTV's Engaged and Underage, a program that documents the wacky and usually-dysfunctionally-horrifying events that precede the nuptials of those getting married under the age of 22. In today's episode, the groom's mom did not like the bride (I was on Team Mother-in-Law- that girl was a beeeeeeeeeyatch!). So the bride goes off on a teary, hysterical, red-faced rant to her fiance after he tried to tactfully point out to her that her personality was very different from his mom's... and she says,

"I just think it's really ignorant not to like somebody just because of their personality!!!"

Because it would be SO much better if she didn't like her because she was fat, poor, or non-white.

OMG.

You asked for it...

So that you can make an informed decision.

My eyes started bleeding while reading the website.

Poll probs

Apparently, Blogger is having an issue with my polls, and hence, they are unavailable. Despite suspicions to the contrary, I am not attempting to "rig" said polls or "disenfranchise" the masses. Therefore, please state in comment form below if you think it makes you MORE COOL or LESS COOL to take your child to a Wiggles concert. COOL in this case does NOT mean that your kid now thinks you're a rock star hipster- it means that the rest of your peer group would consider you to be cool.

Senioritis: not just for seniors anymore.

So I have 7 days of work left at my current place of employment (we'll call it "Craphole."). And THEN, my friends, I'll be a (gasp) REAL doctor!!! Finally!!! After 10 years!!! Real!

I'm celebrating by enjoying a rip-roaring, florid, fulminant case of acute-on-chronic senioritis. This means that I roll into work as late as possible, leave as early as possible, and when I'm here, I do as little as possible. I'm also violating rules and procedures wherever I can - what are they going to do? Fire me?

Today's infraction was a triple-threat violation of the dress code. I am wearing open-toed shoes and capri pants without stockings (yes, my employer requires that you wear stockings at all times. Even if you are wearing capri pants, which is like the dumbest look of all time. That's my Craphole!), and I am not wearing my ID. If I was was really going to do some violatin', I would've doused myself in 12 tons of perfume and stopped at the nail salon to get some >3/4" acrylic talons applied to my nails to complete the look. Maybe I'll save that one for my last day.

oops.

T-Vo and I went out for dinner a few days ago. After dinner, we were standing in the parking lot, and I happened to look down and see his feet. Below is a dramatic re-enactment of what I saw:
Tremendous!

NEW POLL (S)

Apparently, none of you have strong feelings about human beta blockers (the feelings of the dog contigent have been duly noted and respected). Thus, the poll closes early. Please vote in my new poll(s)!

NEW POLL.

Please vote in my new poll.

I'm totally amused by DVD extras...e.g. deleted scenes and alternate endings. My take on these is that there is a reason these were deleted in the first place...i.e., they suck.

I hope all of you grammar nerds out there appreciate my correct usage of both e.g. and i.e. all in the same paragraph. Next thing you know, I'm going to bust out with "imply" and "infer," correctly, and in the same sentence!

OMG, it's a tie!!

...between "Wow, that's totally spicy!!" and "God, that's simply overt!"

The tiebreaker will be an essay contest. Whoever writes the best comment supporting their choice will break the tie.

This is so exciting. It's like the Oscars!

Gawd!

OMG. Whoever thought that K-Fed would start being the GOOD parent of the pair??

I think monkeys might have just flown out of my butt.

Barry Bonds is a puke.

Meaning actually that he's a juiced-up, self-absorbed, arrogant cheating piece of CRAP!

Yar!!

I've seen the Godfather, but...

My sister has never seen Titanic.

T-Vo hadn't seen The Blues Brothers until shortly after we got married.

I've only read 30 pages of 1 Harry Potter book and have no plans to read any more.

BWAHAHAHA!

Enough already!

OK, crazy tree-huggers, I've had about enough of your intimidation. I already buy organic, recycle like a crazy fool, bring my own bags to the grocery store, and avoid bottled water like the plague...now get off my frickin' back about buying locally! Yar! I cannot stand the guilt that has begun to wash over me when I buy bananas. Yes, I know it is better for the local economy and environment to support local farmers, but tell me, wise ones, what I am supposed to feed my family in the winter? Pemmican?

Guilt can only go so far, though. A-Vo wears disposable diapers and I am TOTALLY fine with that. Yeah.

New poll! Please vote now:

What have I learned about my faithful readers from my polls?

1) There are about 8 of you.
2) We are satisfied with our health insurance.
3) Premade sandwiches at the gas station are scary.
4) If I were to serve you a sausage buffet, it should include bratwurst and Polish sausage.

Now for the next question...what totally made-up expression should I try to popularize using my powerful position as super-blogger? (think "major," or "MAY-jah" a la Posh)

Yeah.

Re: this tree in our yard.

Me: A-Vo, what color is the tree?

A-Vo: Ummm, pink.

Me: I think it's more red. Or maybe purplish.

A-Vo: Yeah. Purple ass.


Awesome.