Back from camp.

I'm back from diabetes camp! Highlights:

• my cell phone meeting its maker in Lake Diabetes Camp.
• being told by an 8-year-old that I looked like I was "um, about 37?"
• striving to maintain an even level of hipness between myself and the 19 y/o counselors (the key? flip-flops.)
• driving the OAM reunion flip-flops to their early demise as a result.
• watching these crazy counselors do this weird, synchronized line dance to "Love Shack". So weird that I haven't seen anyone ever do that, having been actually alive when the song was first popular, but being told by one of the counselors that "it's been around FOREVER! Like, since I was in middle school!" Which, according to my calculations, was around 2001.
• sore fingers from testing OTHER people's blood sugars. Because THAT makes a lot of sense.
• finding out that camp songs have not changed at all in 20 years (I said a BOOM chicka boom!"
• Being named "Best looking in a fanny pack" as my camper award.

All in all, a week well spent!

Sigh.

OMG, Kirk Cameron...what happened??

Overheard at the Vo house...

J-Vo: "Good girl, A-Vo! You're a rock star!!"

A-Vo: "No Mama, I superstar!"

That's my girl!

Seen at the grocery store...

A harried mom, pushing her cart and 2 young sons through the checkout line. One of the boys tossed his pacifier out of the cart, onto the floor. His mom promptly picked it up, looked around furtively, and then PUT IT IN HER OWN MOUTH, licked it clean, and popped it back into his mouth.

That is so wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to begin.

J-Vo to the rescue

On Sunday, I start a weeklong gig at diabetes camp. I'll be hanging out with 5-8 year-olds, as they wreak havoc in rural My State during daylight hours. I'm totally psyched b/c in addition to wearing an official camp polo shirt, I get to wear a fanny pack (ok, the fanny pack not so much, but the concept of what's IN it is awesome) armed with a glucometer, glucose tablets, insulin, ketostix, and the like. It's like I'm an Anti-Diabetes Superhero!

thank god for glasses

At the eye doctor's office this week, I flippantly remarked to the optometrist, "Man, what would my life have been like in 1800?" in regard to my horrible eyesight and lack of corrective lenses at that time.

He replied, "You'd probably be dead."

Pause.

"No offense!" he added helpfully.

"None taken!" I said, thinking, "damn, that's probably true!" If I hadn't fallen off a cliff, I probably would've been plowed over by a horse.

Which led me to think about all the other reasons why, in 1800, I probably wouldn't have lived until the ripe old age of 32:

• at least 1 of my many childhood Strep throat infections would have caused endocarditis.
• Probably would've come down with mastoiditis from 1 of my 10 zillion childhood ear infections.
• I don't think they had emergency C-sections in 1800!

With all the hullabaloo about the American health care system, you still gotta appreciate that's it's good to be in the here and now.

Battle of the Idols

So, both Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson have released some serious man-bashing singles as of late (trying a bit too hard to channel their inner "You Oughta Know")...I think that Round ManBashing Single in the Battle of the Idols goes to Ms. Underwood. It's way more clever and her vocals are stronger. Sorry Kel!

Overheard at the grocery store...

"Honey, you can't have both a doughnut AND Skittles before dinner!!"

Good grief.

Worship me for the rock star that I am!

Look at what was waiting for me in the mail when I returned from Reunion:



Hoo-boy! I'm one of America's TOP physicians! I must be SMART. But let's look into this a bit further....how ever did I qualify for this honor (I know, I know, you're all saying how would I NOT qualify, but let's explore, shall we?)?


My experience: none. I'm still in training.
My training: still ongoing.
My professional associations: I belong to 3, only 2 of which I'm actually active in.
My board certification: yep, did that, along with probably 2 or 3 thousand other people that year.

What a prestigious honor that has been bestowed on me. I hope I can live up to the expectations placed upon one of America's Top Physicians! And for only the low, low price of $229 + shipping and handling, I can purchase a personalized plaque to hang in my office, to proudly proclaim far and wide how amazing I truly, truly am.

I think this must be the medical version of the Council on Foreign Relations.

Please post all congratulatory comments, accolades, etc. belowL

Reunion 2007

Does anyone read this blog who WASN'T at reunion this weekend?

Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know.

So my buddy Angelina has just been named to the "prestigious" Council on Foreign Relations, a "think tank" that, if you read its press, is "the most influential organization upon US foreign policy, second only to Congress." Uh-huh. I'm skeptical of any prestigious think tank that admits people who have barely graduated from high school and "took film classes at NYU." Nothing against street smarts, but hello. You don't learn foreign policy while you're cutting yourself and making out with your brother.

ANd has everyone forgotten that this woman's profession is to pretend to be someone else? Do we even know who she IS? Gah!

Skank.

So, my buddy Paris Hilton was released from the Big House today due to some unspecified "medical condition." Funny, I didn't think that chronic skankalicious skankitis qualified for early prison release.

Any guesses on her tragic condition?

I bet tertiary syphilis.

Another gem from the shelves.

Another book I can see from here is the "International Medical Word Book." Presumably, this a book that can tell you how to say, for example, "do you need any refills today" in 300 languages. However, I am a bit suspicious of any vocabulary taught by the book who didn't think to use the word "dictionary" in its title.

Eh?

Sitting here in My Hospital's library, I looked at the reference shelf and saw a brand-new, 2007 set of World Book encyclopedias. Which leads me to wonder:

1) who uses encyclopedias anymore?
2) what DOCTOR uses an encyclopedia? Do my fellows MD's often need to write book reports on the Philippines? It's not like I walk around the ward saying, "hm, what's the pathophysiology of autoimmune hypoparathyroidism? I think I'll look it up in the encyclopedia!"

Waste of cash, I think.

Mad props to AL.

I'm sure you've all heard the anthem "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne...you know, it the moving description of the physical and personality traits of her beloved's current paramour and her mournful tale of how she wishes he was hers. My favorite line is:

"She's like, so whatever!"

Oh SNAP! No you di-int! Next she'll be hurling such epithets as "cotton-headed ninny-muggins." (name the movie, win a dollar!)

I shouldn't make fun of that- too much. I still talk like that.

WTF?

Driving in the car with someone I've met only once before yesterday, I coughed.

The other person said, "Do you have allergies?"

I said, "No, I have a cold."

She replied, "Oh. I was hoping you had allergies."

EXCUSE ME??

Thanks lady, I hope you have diarrhea.