Saturday, May 31, 2008

Blogly nonmotivated,

I have not yet had the baby. I've just been blogly nonmotivated....

Sunday, May 11, 2008

I'd like to see one that was high-key.

Jenna Bush just got married, in what was described as a "low-key affair" that cost ~$100,000. Geez. If that's a low-key affair, then I guess T-Vo's and mine was so low-key that it might not have even happened. Good thing I have the paperwork to prove it.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Random thoughts:

  • If you don't want people to treat you like a crazy-ass bitch, then don't act like a crazy-ass bitch.
  • Dear Major Recording Artist,
    • If I want to hear a live version of one of your greatest hits, it's not because I want to hear you sing 3 words and then listen to the audience of 50,000 people sing the rest. Please take this into account the next time you release a live recording. kthxby.
    • XOXO J-Vo
    • Today at Borders, I was perusing the periodicals, and was amused to find that Us Weekly is located in the "World Politics and Economics" section. Must be because of its biting and insightful commentary on the Darfur situation.
    • Hooter's update:
      • As advertised this week: "Are you smarter than a Hooter's girl? Trivia game at 7 PM." Answer? yes.

Monday, May 5, 2008

More butt talk.

Speaking of butts, I have developed the dreaded pregnancy complication of sciatica. This means that my right butt cheek hurts pretty much all the time. Also, it forces me to preferentially sit on the left side. This is the setup to the following story:

Yesterday, I was sitting on the floor with A-Vo, getting Nu-Vo's room ready (note: really, I should not be sitting on the floor. Like ever. 1) Because it takes a crane to haul my ass off the floor, and 2) b/c of the ass issue. But I still keep doing it, no matter what happens on the way up. I think I am immune to aversion therapy. Anyway.) And, I was sitting on my left butt cheek, on top of my foot. Felt OK at the time.

Fast forward 10 minutes, and A-Vo has to use the potty. So, because of the whole crane-hauling issue, I told her to go start and that I'd be there in a second. She runs to the potty, and then I hear a SPLASH!!! followed by, "I just fell in the potty!"

Being the closest parent geographically, I leapt to my feet and began running to the bathroom to fish out my toilet-water soaked daughter (picture a head, 2 arms and 2 legs sticking out of the toilet), only to realize that my left foot, as a consequence of the 100% left cheek favoritism, had fallen asleep. Totally and completely numb. So imagine me in all my pregtastic glory, trying to get to the bathroom, dragging a dead leg behind me, all the while A-Vo wailing about being stuck in the potty. I felt like Quasimodo.

Moral of the story: pregnant women should stick with chairs. Not floors.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Baby got back.

You might think that baby butts are cute and cuddly(when not covered in poop, that is). I'm here to tell you that when they're rammed up against your rib cage for 16 hours straight, they are actually wicked instruments of torture.

Trust me.