Tuesday, May 29, 2007

What goes around comes around.

When you're young and crazy, staying up 'til all hours of the night, what matters most on the weekends is how late things are open. What's the latest time you can order a pizza? the latest the video store is open? The latest you can make a beer or grocery run?

But the bitter irony is when the tide turns, and you grow up, get responsible, and then reproduce- what then becomes important is how early things open. You get up at the BCD (butt crack of dawn) with your little bundle of joy and need to get out of the house, so the fact that the grocery store opens at 6 and Target at 8 AM is money in the bank. And damn Blockbuster and the mall all to hell for having the audacity to open at 10!

Monday, May 28, 2007

And another reason why you suck is....

I think that if this whole "doctor" thing fails to pan out, a good backup career for me (aside from being a super-cool rock star) would be as a life coach. I am REALLY good at telling people what they should do, and imagine what good I could accomplish by doing it on daily basis for money. It would be like "Extreme Makeover" for the soul. A win-win situation: I get to tell people how to stop being losers (stop whining! just get a job! quit adopting children from 3rd world countries!), and the losers stop, well, being losers.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

What is wrong with America, part 1:

  • the line ~15 people deep at Cinnabon at 5 PM, waiting to eat their daily serving of nasty, trans-fat crap. Or if you want cold, hard facts, this:
    • Cinnabon®, Classic Cinnabon roll

      Measurement: 1 roll
      Calories: 730 cal.
      Protein: 0 g.
      Fat: 24 g.
      Carbohydrates: 114 g.

Dis one.

My favorite.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Sticking it to the man.

I call it "Suburban Rebellion." Note: this is not my car, although A-Vo and I did go all Thelma and Louise yesterday on the way back from MHS....we drove on a technically-closed county road because we didn't feel like taking the detour. See what I mean about tough-ass broads?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Today, AJ is winning the skank battle.

From US Weekly, re: AJ's parenting strategies:

"In fact, Jolie's preference would be to raise the children without a nanny. 'Angelina is controlling, especially with things that are dear to her, and she doesn't like the idea of another person raising her kids.'"

So instead of *a* nanny, she instead hired FOUR.

And the breaking AJ news of the day...she's taking a year off of acting. Well, that is, after she finishes shooting her current movie, she'll spend 2 months promoting the next one coming out, and then will shoot ANOTHER flick, and THEN she'll take that year off.


Monday, May 21, 2007

Don't mess with the Vo's.

A-Vo and I are in My Home State for a surprise visit with my parents while T-Vo is at a meeting. We drove there. Yeah, that's right, just 2 Vo chicks, hitting the open road with an ample supply books, crayons, and Goldfish crackers. We only stopped once in 7 hours, suckaz.

Don't any of you forget that the Vo women are




Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Go away, already!

As a hip, seasoned music lover, I feel that over the past 15 years I have more than paid my dues, and therefore am entitled to NEVER have to listen to certain songs ever again. And that said songs should be summarily banned from the radio, never again to poison the airwaves. These songs are historically overrated and way overplayed, and I feel that erasing them from the collective memory of American pop culture would be doing the country a great service.

Be prepared to say goodbye to:

Hey Jealousy- Gin Blossoms (um, anything by GB, for that matter)
No Rain- Blind Melon
What's Going On- 3 Non Blondes

Among others!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Get a life.

Another pet peeve of mine while driving is the self-righteous slow driver. You know the ones...those priggish little goody-two-shoes who sit in the left-hand lane, going 20 miles below the speed limit because goddamnit, that's the safe thing to do (never mind the fact that they're causing a 2-mile bottleneck behind them for no good reason).

It especially annoys me when people hit the brakes when they see a cop at the side of the road 2 miles ahead. And not just tapping the brakes, but I mean a full-out slowdown to 40 miles an hour. Um, excuse me....yes, cops do pull you over and give you a ticket when you are driving too fast, but they do NOT pull you over and give you a gift certificate or a cookie if you are driving slower than the posted speed limit. .

Monday, May 14, 2007

Spoilers ahead!

If you haven't seen Last King of Scotland, and plan to, don't read further!

So T-Vo and I watched said movie last weekend. Quite a good flick, and one with many a moral message, such as the following:

In 1 scene, Idi Amin throws a party, and one of his attendees is his personal physician, Dr. Garrigan. Dr. Garrigan is bumming that night, so the good Idi provides him with not 1, but 2 prostitutes for his entertainment. However, Dr. G makes a fatal mistake by forgoing the hookers and instead decides to nail one of Idi's wives. Needless to say, its ends badly.

Which leads to the moral message:

Never look a gift whore in the mouth.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Cars and skanks.

Today my car's odometer surpassed 56,000 miles, which is pretty dang impressive since I I've only had it since The Incident of 2004, during which my old car was shot down in a blaze of glory, as Bon Jovi might say (haven't heard the story? bummer, it's a good one. All I'll say is that I never thought I'd end up on America's Most Wanted.). I commute 82 miles a day to/from work, and you know you spend too much time on the road when you start recognizing other people's cars and license plates from other trips.

In other news today, I'm having a moral crisis: I can't figure out who I hate more- Angelina Jolie, or Paris Hilton. Both have more money than God, but 1 is more altruistic, even if her motives are less than pure. But I think that neither actually believes the rules apply to them.

Your thoughts?

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Don't even go there!

I wore a toe ring to P-Vo's graduation on Sunday, in the hopes of upping my hipness in preparation for being surrounded by dozens of graduated college seniors. And what did I get for my efforts? I got called a "40-year-old mother trying to be cool" by P-Vo himself.

He is dead to me right now.

Thankfully, this was this day after I got carded at the grocery store buying beer, so it didn't hurt as much as it could have.

Whatever, IT people.

The institutional internet filter used by my hospital is totally stupid. It blocks Yahoo Games and Yahoo 360 (sorry Spice!), but allows access to such educational and profession-enhancing websites as:

- YouTube
- Blogger
- TV Guide
- E! Online

You'd think that if they really wanted to make a committed effort to decreasing wasted work time, the first 2 on the list would be summarily banned for life.


Monday, May 7, 2007

Frickin' scared of iTunes.

iTunes is beginning to freak me out a little bit.

The other day, I logged on to look for a song I wanted to download. It was listed under the "Just For You" heading as a suggestion of something I might like.

"huh." I thought, and went on with my day.

Then the next day, it happened again, only with a song I had downloaded 2 days earlier from a eMusic.

I'm afraid that next iTunes is going to start talking to me, and then after that will start calling itself "Skynet" and launch a counteroffensive aimed at wiping out all of mankind. Thank god Arnold Schwarzenegger is governor!

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Yeah baby!

I got carded at the grocery store yesterday!!!

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Good grief, part 2.

Today the Vo family went on a brief shopping expedition that found us next door to Chuck E. Cheese at 9 AM. Chuck E. Cheese is OPEN at 9 AM.

As I said to T-Vo, "What, do they have a breakfast buffet?"

Because god forbid that children in American not be able to play video games and eat pizza at 9 AM on Saturdays!!

Good grief.

What are the odds that none of the THREE different types of vinegar you have in your pantry are what is required what for you want to make for dinner tonight?

Answer: 100% today.

Good grief.