Letters

Dear Posh and Becks,

I could give 2 flying rats' asses about you moving to the US. the way I see it- the only upside to you moving here is to possibly help Katie Holmes escape from Scientology enslavement while paying taxes in America's highest tax bracket to help support graduate medical education and Medicaid. So please, try to keep a low profile because I'm sick to death of both of you "wannabes."

XOXO,

J-Vo

Dear Nick and Vanessa,

If you don't want people taking distasteful pictures of you, then don't have sex outside.

Just a thought.

Smooches,

J-Vo