Mama's busy- why don't you go color Clarence Darrow?

Today A-Vo and I went to Borders to shop for a birthday present for one of her friends. Our mission? Sticker books. The sticker books happen to be right next to the coloring books. I looked over the available coloring books, and saw the usual suspects-- Disney princesses, baby animals, Lightning McQueen, etc., when one in particular caught my eye:

Great Lawyers.

Yep, a whole coloring book dedicated to great lawyers in history.

We did not get that one.

Not Diddy. Jelly- UPDATED!

A-Vo's new fave lunch entree is the all-American peanut butter and jelly sandwich (that is the Vo genotype manifesting itself...I prefer just plain peanut butter). However, it's not readily apparent to any non-Vo what she is actually requesting when she asks for it, since she calls it "pee jelly."

Other A-Vo isms:

halicious = hilarious
shootit = swimsuit
cupchip = ketchup
mussen = mustard
happy toot toot = happy birthday to you
shabbat shalom = exactly what it sounds like

Hopefully, Grrbearm you find this slightly more amusing than The Family Circus.

Not fast. Not easy. I'll give you fresh.

Seen in the "Fast! Easy! Fresh!" section of a cooking magazine (easy dinner recipes for everyday cooking):

Recipe for Easy Lobster Blah Blah Blah:

1st ingredient: 2 live lobsters.

EXCUSE ME! If you have to kill the animal you are about to cook, it automatically disqualifies the recipe from inclusion in the fast! easy! fresh! section.

Bad, bad parents:

These people make even Britney Spears look good:

• the people we saw over the weekend feeding their toddler sugar from sugar packets off of the table at Applebee's.
• the family who dishes out the food at dinner and then each member takes his or her plate to a different room to eat it in front of a different TV. True story. Met them today. Yep. Mmm-hm.
  

Props to the Midwest!

The diagram of the locations of people visiting my blog actually updates in real time. As you can see, the Midwest is now officially kicking the West Coast's ass. Awww. Yeee. I knew my people would come through for me!

Back-up career choice #3:

CELEBRITY MANIPULATOR.

I'd love to meet and join the nameless, faceless hordes of evildoing Hollywood hangers-on whom Britney, Paris, and Lindsay are all blaming for their recent bad behavior. "Blah blah blah in with the wrong crowd blah blah being taken advantage of blah blah blah not my true friends blah blah they make me dance naked on the bar at Pure and then pay for dinner." HEY! I'd like a piece of that action. I'd be a great entourage member and wouldn't whine ONCE about being taken to the Geisha House twice in 1 week and only having a pink Sidekick gifted to me instead of the Swarovski-encrusted one.

No, read THIS one.

There was a picture of Martin Sheen reading a book in US Magazine this week. that, in and of itself, is not that blog-worthy, but the title of said book is: "1001 Books you Must Read Before You Die."

So, why read (or write, for that matter) a book about the books you SHOULD be reading? Go read one of those books.

Letters

Dear Posh and Becks,

I could give 2 flying rats' asses about you moving to the US. the way I see it- the only upside to you moving here is to possibly help Katie Holmes escape from Scientology enslavement while paying taxes in America's highest tax bracket to help support graduate medical education and Medicaid. So please, try to keep a low profile because I'm sick to death of both of you "wannabes."

XOXO,

J-Vo

Dear Nick and Vanessa,

If you don't want people taking distasteful pictures of you, then don't have sex outside.

Just a thought.

Smooches,

J-Vo

Tiebreaker.

So, the burning question of "What should Paris Hilton name her newly-minted activist organization?" ended up in a 4-way tie. So, as chairman and CEO of J-Vo's blog, I gave myself the honor of breaking the tie.

The name is:

SPOD (Sluts PO'd About Darfur)/

Thanks to all who voted! Check out the next poll, in honor of Michael Moore.

Get out the vote.

HEY! Look over HERE!!!! --------> THIS WAY!! -------->

It's a POLL. It's FUNNY.

Vote in it and make me feel happy. Bratwurst won the last one only because all 3 Vo's voted and carried the majority.

Oh....kay...

A-Vo and I went to our favorite French department store today (Tar-Zhay). I had a hankering for ramen, so we thought we'd check out the grocery section. I spotted the shelf labeled "Asian" and headed toward it. Imagine my surprise when I saw that the Asian shelf was full of canned fruit. "Huh?" I said, and looked closer. I guess Mandarin oranges now qualify as Asian food these days.

Poor A-Vo.

A-Vo would probably give her right arm for a pair of flip-flops. She wears mine all around the house, and directs me to wear them to certain places. But alas, her poor baby feet are too wide for toddler flip-flops. It's hard to be 2.

Word up to my West Coast peeps!

Yup, the West Coast is leading the pack in blog hits, although the Central Time Zone has been making a dramatic comeback over the last week. On behalf of the CMIRSASTW cast and crew, thanks California, Oregon, and Washington! Smooches!

Daddy, would you like some sausage?

I hail from Cheese State, ergo I love cheese. I also hail from Brat (pronounced "braht") State, ergo I love brats. More so since I've gotten older, actually. But I loooooooove brats. So you can imagine my excitement and delight when 1) I married a man who turned out in addition to being the love of my life also happens to love brats as I do, and 2) that the 2 of us reproduced and created a toddler who can snarf down a brat in 2 minutes and wants more.

For those of you not from the Midwest, the bratwurst is the world's greatest grilling sausage and arguably the best competitor in the Milwaukee Brewers' wiener race.

Backup career choice #2:

Master cheesemonger.

Who DOESN'T want that as a job title??

Preggers? Not so much.

All the buzz around town is that Nicole Richie might be pregnant. I would be shocked and amazed if that girl could ovulate, given her current state of emaciation. I bet she actually has this.

Another gem from RMM:

From Rich Mommy Magazine, on how to keep the kids busy while you're cooking dinner:

"' I want to help!" my daughter offers. They're words that should make any star-chart keeper proud, but at dinnertime, when all I want is 10 minutes to pan-fry a fish while my children brief me on the day's events (is that really so much to ask?), the phrase sends me spiraling into a panic."

GodDAMN if they don't describe my life right down to a T!