Heh.

Blah.

Headed back to work tomorrow. Bleah.

good grief

Pervs, all of you.

You know who you are!!!

Expiration dates

I bought some hand sanitizer today, which apparently has an expiration date of March 2010. How does hand sanitizer go bad?

Reasons why A-Vo is a rockstar:

1) the aforementioned knowledge of the lyrics to Eye of the Tiger, as well as Rehab and Groove is in the Heart;
2) her propensity for showing me a new dance move by saying, "Look at this jam-out, Mom!"
and 3) upon noticing the rock band playing during church yesterday, asked me for my cell phone so she could hold it up and sway. Seriously. that really happened.

This blog is not a democracy.

So, apparently, Les Stroud won the poll. This is suspicious b/c we all know that Bear Gryllis has the superior survival show, mostly b/c he drinks his own pee and doesn't whine nearly as much. I suspect ballot box tampering. In any case, b/c this is MY blog, I have declared BG the winner. Congrats, old chap!

Existential comics.

A-Vo was "reading" the comics the other day, and this was the conversation 2 mice were having with one another:

We're going to the wedding.
But we're not real!
Why are we going to a wedding if we're not real?
Why are we not real?



Deep, man, totally deep.

Oh snap!

My sister told A-Vo to "put that in your pipe and smoke it!!" yesterday.

A-Vo's response: "Well, put some dirt on it and throw it away!!!"

She also knows the words to "Eye of the Tiger."

3 words: greatest. Mom. Ever!

Updog.

We are attempting to teach A-Vo how to tell jokes. The following are actual excerpts of conversations held with her over the past 2 weeks:

P(arent): A-Vo, you smell like updog!
A: No I don't!

A: You smell like updog.
P: What's updog?
A: I don't know.

P: Knock knock!
A: Who is it?
P: Banana.
A: Which banana?

P: Knock knock.
A: Who is it?
P: Banana.
A: Good one, Mommy!

Back on the grid.

We got wi-fi today. Aww. Yee. You can expect more blog posts now that I don't have to sequester myself in a hole to jump on the Internet.

Updates:
A-Vo is having ear tubes placed and her adenoids removed on Monday.
She starts school after Labor Day.
I'm back to work on the 12th.
L-Vo is a tank. Her next weigh-in is next week. She sleeps through the night, give it up for my girl!!!!
I'm generally splattered with poop, pee, and puke at any given time.

So you don't drop any kids off at the pool.

Didja hear the news? Activia yogurt brings you back to an active lifestyle!

According to the commercial, if you're having diarrhea to the point where you can lounge poolside in a swimsuit, but not actually swim, all you have to do is eat some Activia, and BOOM! All better.

Whoa.

we saw 1 of these in our backyard yesterday. It is one scary looking motherf*er!

Pretty picture.

Doesn't this post make me look all edumacated and whatnot?

I'm the BEST.

Today I received the POttery Barn catalog in the mail, which was labeled "Best Customer Edition." Huh. What does one have to do to qualify as a Best Customer? Haven't bought anything from there since, oh, 2006. And how many other editions are there? Crappy Customer? CHeap-Ass Customer? MEdiocre Customer?

I don't care about your stupid carbon footprint...

I hate cyclists today. why? because some of them think that just b/c they are laminated in spandex and saving the world b/c of their non-usage of gas that they are therefore immune to the rules of the road. in this town, where you can spit and hit a scenic bike trail from pretty much ANYWHERE, the excuse of "i have nowhere else to ride but directly in front of your car" falls on deaf ears. swear to god, the next time a cyclist runs a stop sign in front of my car, they will then be running scared from my wrath.

Congratulations.

So we're sitting at storytime at the library, where the Story Lady is doing a rhyming bit on the felt board, trying to get the kids to guess the second word in the rhyme. She's trying to get them the guess "hen in a pen." They got hen, but silence soon followed. The silence was then broken by an overeager mom belting out, "Pen!!!"

And I'm all, "congratulations, lady, you smoked a bunch of 3 year olds. Way to go!"

In other, unrelated news, why is it that I can't download any GD Ace of Base from Itunes???

Why I'm not the world's worst mom...

1) You will not find a pack of cigs and a lighter in the side pocket of my diaper bag ( as seen at the park this week);
2) You'll not find me taking the little Vos out for ice cream on Mother's Day with a 12-pack of Coors Light (as seen in May).
3) Neither Vo will ever touch the floor in the pediatrician's office. Or any of the toys there. Or come within 10 feet of a sippy cup of juice that had been rolling around on the floor there (as seen at every visit).

Don't waste your time.

Much like "Blazing Saddles" is, "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle" is worthless to watch while on network TV. Just trust me.

She's here!

L-Vo was born at 8:23 AM on 6/19/08. We came home from the hospital yesterday and all are doing well!

$100,000 Pyramid: J-Vo Style

Things That Are Hard:

• Diamonds
• Advanced Calculus
• Rock Cafes

and explaining breastfeeding to your 3-year-old ("how does it come out? do you have to poke a hole in them?"